A Bull's Balls

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Pandora current song: Desecration Smile by Red Hot Chilly Peppers

You may think this will be about some proprietary person whose obligations require intense armor. You may also conclude someone had the “balls” to act upon a strenuous need. Well, to an extent, both are right, but the title is meant for more literal terms.

A few weekends ago I went to Bruning, NE for a branding event. I do have to preface that I’ve helped a sorority friend of mine at her ranch in Idaho a few years ago. We used a chute to tattoo and vaccinate, and in agriculture class during high school, we castrated as well. So needless to say, I wasn’t TOO naive to what may unfold, but I still had no idea what a “branding” was all about.

The way the Brunings completed the task was to round up friends from the community and others. First, we had to sort the calves. However, I was lucky enough to get a tour of Bruning first, while the guys did the hard work so I still don’t know how to “sort.” Fred Bruning showed me around who is Reiss’ (NCTA student) father. Frank D. Bruning, among others, founded the town in the late 1800s. Just driving around, one can tell the people of Bruning are proud citizens with beautiful homes and yards, smiling faces on the streets, and the ever familiar wave of drivers passing by.

Besides seeing where Reiss played football, grandparents lived, etc., we stopped at the bank. I think it was fate that I ended up going to Bruning and meeting Fred because his idea to finance the new dorm project was ingenious. I think I’ll be working with him quite shortly, and I cannot wait. Anyway, we got a call from the guys that we better bring the propane tank or we were going to be in trouble. Let’s proceed to the fun stuff.

We arrived at one of the calf locations where others had started to show up as well. Trailers loaded with horses, true cowboys with hats and chaps, branding irons on the stove ready for heat, ropes ready to be thrown. A few guys saddled up and were ready to trot in the corral to rope their first calf. The others lined up outside the corral to wrestle the calves brought out by rope to those victorious enough. And then there was me. Standing around waiting for something to happen with my eyes wide open ready to take in the action.

I stayed pretty close to Fred who wrote notes on his clipboard regarding the sex and type. He took me under his wing as I had no idea what I needed to do. He showed me the difference between a heifer, bull and steer. I’m sure half my readers have no idea what the difference is so let me enlighten you. A heifer is a female, a bull is an intact male and a steer has been castrated. See. I learned something ;) All calves had tattoos in their ears just in case their tags fell off. The tags had three numbers on them as well: the top was the father, middle was the mother and the bottom was its own. The last number of the full number was the year the calf was born. Tags were different colors based on the breed, so I also had to pay attention to that as well. White tags meant the calf was a registered Angus. Calves became steers based on the amount of white on their faces, birth weight, breed, and I’m sure something else I missed.

I watched hundreds of calves go through this process. I’m good at observing. Some people find me quiet, but it’s usually because I’m observing the group and how people interact while I stand in the background minding my own business. If you truly knew me, you’d know better than to tag me as a quiet little mouse. I’m also not one to sit back and let others do all the work. I like being right in the middle of the action. I do have to say it was difficult to not get in the middle and wrestle calves or castrate with the guys after awhile, but I was the newbie so I withheld.

Anyway, the branding ceremonial event was quite a production. Like I said before, we had guys on horses roping calves to drag them to the opening of the corral where wrestlers took them down like champs. One held the back end (who had to watch out to not be kicked...some were unfortunate victims) and one held the front and head down. Sex was checked and reviewed on the clipboard. Vaccinations were given. Some unfortunate souls were castrated. And all were branded. The stench of fried skin and hair is one I don’t particularly enjoy, but it’s essential for organization of hundreds of calves roaming the same pastures across the Nebraska plains. Most of the women in the bunch had the same messages: “I feel so sorry for the little babies!” Well, of course, but maybe I’m just mean hearted as I didn’t really feel that sorry for them. LoL

After lunch, we went to a new corral and repeated the same process. We started castrating more and more as we went to different locations. This is where the literal term of a bull’s ball comes into effect. One of the guys saved a precious testicle and stuck it on the branding iron to cook. Guys started giving me a hard time saying I should eat it after it was cooked, daring me to take a bite of nature’s best. Well, I called their bluff and said confidentially that I’d do it if they ate the other half. That shut them up for awhile. :)

Once all the calves were worked in that location, the rocky mountain oyster was ready. One of them skewered that sucker with the scalpel used to cut the raw materials from the calves and walked over to me. They all dared me proceeding to say I’d never do it. Well my natural instinct was to prove them wrong. The offer and opportunity to watch their faces go from skeptical to amusement was too good. I plucked that sucker off and chomped right into it. It’s charcoal outer layer wasn’t too bad, but the juicy, squishy inside was definitely not something appetizing. Yet, I ate it like a champ. Didn’t make a face. Didn’t gag. Chomped and swallowed and proceeded to ask when it was their turn. However, as I took the first bite, they all turned away in sheer disgust and astonishment that I actually ate that stupid thing and were too busy trying not to be queasy themselves. Here’s this girly girl that just proved her toughness and all the guys letting her take the attention since there was no way they’d follow the pursuit.

The remainder of the branding I had a new respect since I was the only one “man” enough. I am confident enough to know they didn’t expect me to be tough enough around the animals, let alone eat a bull’s ball. I also got to wrestle the last calf, which was probably small enough for me to cradle in my arms. Before Reiss finished his instructions on how to do it, I was already done. I’m glad Reiss made me do it because I had a sense of pride for being out there and learning the tricks of the trade.

We all went to dinner where most everyone got a beer, but my constant surroundings of sorority and fraternity life especially before I turned 21 cured me of ever being able to swallow and consume beer. I’ve smelled it in far too many different ways both going down and coming back up that I’ll probably never be able to desire or even down a whole can of that crap. Since I was gutsy enough to eat a rocky mountain oyster, the guys were laughing and saying I’d probably order a Crown on rocks. So yet again, I had to show I was tough and did just that. It ended up being a double. Let’s rewind...I haven’t really drank alcohol in months besides maybe a glass of wine for dinner. Drinking heavily, well that’s been years. So my first double Crown was a landmark feat in and of itself.

I put a picture and short story of the day on Facebook. The messages were hilarious!! Many people posted simple “wows” or “way to show them up.” My mom posted “that’s my girl,” but my dad’s almost made me pee my pants. “Stay clear of me when you get hungry and food is scarce. I’m holding onto my balls for dear life!” HAHA OMG Others said they were impressed and those out in Bruning want me to come back for another round of branding. I sure hope I get to! I’ll have to use my thick skin and guts to proceed to the next step of astonishment. The future challenge is swallowing it raw and there better be a contender next time too.

Taking life by the balls and boldly challenge status quo ;)

Pandora current song: Love Hurts by Incubus

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