Pandora current song: Imma Be, by Black Eyed Peas
What do I want to do with the rest of my life? The fear of the unknown has haunted me since I switch out of veterinary medicine junior year of college. At least with that, hard work and extensive years in school would have assured me of a job in a solid field. With this crummy economy, a communications/advertising degree is worthless. Most companies in the mysterious, artistic world of communications are not hiring. Many classmates are stuck working in temporary jobs and/or living at home to await their future fates. Thankfully, I have a solid job in the crazy world of real-estate management and collegiate student involvement. Unfortunately for me, the location will never satisfy me for so many reasons. The people I converse with are kind and genuine, but I truly miss the city life with endless activities, outings with friends my age, and exciting outdoor excursions. Living in the city is never boring and even in a city where people live in close quarters, there are always places to go to find your peace of mind.
I still have no idea what I want to do with my life and it scares me everyday. Many of my friends have spouses, kids, and have a general idea of what to expect from life. Granted, the unknown brings excitement of unplanned events that could become lifelong, great memories. Yet, the clock seems to tick tick tick even if I try to block it from my head. Whenever I get married, I’d love to spend time with my husband doing whatever we want and loving our lives together before kids take over. However, I don't want to be too old of a parent because I want to exude immense amounts of energy for and with my kids and family. Goofing around and always having fun as often as possible.
But then what happens if I never get married? I'm not as forward as some. I always seem to meet the greatest people at the wrong times in my life. Too young. Graduate and move. Move again. Already dating. Live in remote places. It never seems to end. I do myself injustice with my living habits, but unfortunately, I can't help it at this moment in my life. I would hate to live my life alone forever and my family's joke about me never getting married scares the living daylights out of me. I'm flying on a freakin full plane and I'm about to drop tears out of my eyes thinking of it! I play it off as a funny joke when really I start to believe it more and more. I love kids too and can't wait to have my own, but what if that never happens either? Sure I need to stop the “what if” game in my head, but sometimes it’s good to sit back and evaluate what’s going on in your life.
And I continue to wonder what I'm going to do with my life. Where will I live next? Where am I going to work? What am I going to do? I'm living the life now by creating my own work schedule. I feel spoiled, but do I really love my job? I love working with my students more than anything. My mom once told me that I may have the perfect job, but in the worst location for my personality. If I can change a student's life for the better, put a smile on their faces, provide them with opportunities they'd never have otherwise, is such a blessing to me. I guess I’m like that with any child no matter how young or old. On the other side of work, I love learning the insides of business management. It’s crazy learning so much so fast. I'd never get this kind of experience anywhere else at my age.
I want my MBA because nowadays, an undergrad degree has become equivalent to a high school degree, especially in the business sector. I don't want to take online courses because I wouldn't get the face-to-face interaction like in class. Networking is the No. 1 way to make it in this world and I would hate to ruin my chances by staying cooped up at home. I would also love to learn internationally by spending a semester or summer in Europe or China. I think Europe because I used to live there and want to visit and learn the wonders of where I lived for three years. China is a given. The leading business force on the planet. As a business person, who wouldn't want to learn how their brains work?
So then, where do I go? I could easily go back to Washington State University because I solely believe in the institution and their passion for unparalleled education. I could pick up my leadership experiences and work closely with the administration. My leadership and admin experience previously has geared me towards a possible love for university administration. I could definitely see myself as an institution dean or something along those lines with the professional and student balance. I could go back to Dallas to be among former coworkers and friends I miss dearly. I miss Dallas and its love for life, but mostly my church, Watermark Community Church. I have never found a place I felt more at home than at Watermark. I'd never go to UW in Seattle for obvious reasons so that's out of the picture. ;) Well, if you don’t know, you could always ask me. I’ve been marked to possibly go into the Intelligence in DC and go to school on the east coast, which could be an extraordinary experience. I’ve always wanted to go to the east coast so that could happen. I could go to Arizona State University to be close to one of my best friends in the whole world in a city I have come to fall deeply in love with. The weather suits me perfectly. The mountains surrounding the valley provide hiking and scenic views unlike Dallas. It's close to great camping, fishing, California, and anything else your taste so desires.
Phoenix seems to be the perfect place for me, but where would I start my life? I think I would need to reach out to my Cougar family to see if any WSU alumni were looking for people to hire or knew of positions around town. I'd have to start mostly from scratch meeting people which I love so that would never be a hindrance. I could find a great church again, create new relationships, and open new opportunities I wouldn't have if I hopped around like I have been. However, I have a great amount of leadership at work and I'm paid decently. I don’t think I’d be able to duplicate that in any job at this point in my life. I would hate to go back into the system and be a peon among the young tikes just graduating. I’m too competitive for that, so what do I do?
I'm in such a predicament that I don't know what to do. I wish I had someone to help me decide but knowing me, then I'd wish I were as independent as ever. Don't get me wrong. I love the independence of not worrying about someone else or what they want. I can do what I want when I want, but life isn't about selfish ways. It's about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. Being professional when needed, but not afraid to show your true goofy colors any other time. Not worrying about others judging you because it doesn't matter what they think. Doing things while people aren't watching to show your true character even if just for yourself. Enjoying nature at it's best even if there isn't a toilet in sight, throwing sweats on to crash in front of a TV, dressing up for fun with your friends to make heads turn, doing random things because those are always the things you'll remember the most, and trying to remember family is always there for you as well as the solid rock of God to provide us a wondrous life. He knows what He's doing so I better just sit down, shut up, and enjoy the ride.
OK. Who knows me to just sit around? Not going to happen. I want to live my life to the fullest by making at least one person's day every day, do things on my unofficial bucket list as often as possible, change it up and not just live my life for work, take risks for love and life, and continue to love my family and friends as well as I possibly can. We only get one opportunity to make the most of our lives as well as put others before our own. I want to maximize the opportunities given to me to achieve greatness and happiness throughout anything I pursue. The greatest achievers are usually the greatest planners.
This summer I have the privilege to be at home around my family that I haven't had since 2004, freshman summer of college. I have the flexibly to see people I haven't seen for years. The capability to do whatever I want when I want. I'm hoping my summer is as fun-filled as I can possibly make it to rejuvenate me for the upcoming year. I can't wait for more fishing trips with my dad in hopes that the weather cooperates so I'm not a wet noodle on the boat. Become closer to my beautiful mother like never before as we try to get her bandaged up and healed for the rest of the summer. Possibly spend time with my sister at her place in Pullman. Train for a half marathon. Hike Smith Rock a million times while in Oregon. Visit my aunts in San Francisco and Orcas Island. Possibly fly back to Phoenix to see Lacey. Spend a wonderful week in Hawaii with my family. Study and take the GMAT for graduate applications. And then get my head back into Nebraska mode.
Hopefully life turns out to be everything it's supposed to. What am I saying?! God has a plan and I need to embrace it.
Live boldly challenging status quo!
Pandora current song: Airplanes, by B.O.B.
Brit,
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you write a book?
Laney
It sounds like you already know what you want to do but your spinning your wheels at your current job, waiting for what? Move on, live your life, no one can do it for you. Life is WAY too short to not do what makes you happy. Your young and free to go, do and see what you want, take advantage of this time in your life, b4 your tied down to a job/family (which isn't bad, just there is a time for that). You say you want to help and inspire people but how can you do that when you not feeling that way yourself. A job is a job, not a life, move on and do what you want while your able to, don't wait for your life to happen.
ReplyDeleteJohn, I've thought about it, but what would I write about?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, you make a valid point and I thank you for your encouraging words. Sometimes it's easy to let my eyes cloud over and pretend to just deal with what's on my plate for the time being. I'm not one to settle so I know I won't be in a stale environment forever. However, I'm also one to do what's right by others before I selfishly think of myself. Unfortunately, I have one more year of being frustrated but the experience will jump start me into whatever life has to offer. I'm focused on getting an MBA now and I know job experience is high on their priority list. I may never go to the ridiculously costly schools, but I plan on applying to some of the top 10 MBA programs around the world, just to see if I can make it. Again, thanks for taking the time to comment!