It's the allotted amount of existence we have to accomplish everything our little hearts desire. It's also the burden that weighs down on our hearts when we feel like there's not enough of it.
The act of time can also be either a beautiful canvas when every swoop, swish and flick aligns perfectly for a spectacular masterpiece. It can also mean disaster when the everything wrong collides to create a terrible catastrophe. Maybe, just maybe, the right paints, brushes, and strokes come together, but a different sketch is drawn that takes you on a different course all together away from comfort and peace.
Why is it that some depictions are exactly what you intended, while others become silent, foreign ships that pass each other unknowingly in the night?
I'm not sure why quotes are incredibly awe-inspiring lately, but I read another quote today that actually brought me to tears:
"You can never be at peace until you find peace within yourself."
I can put on a good show, and hide my fears deep down for only the few fearless, loving souls to uncover. It's truly a rare moment when I'm actually utterly at peace. There are always plans to make so they don't fall through, decisions to make praying they were the right ones, and obstacles to overcome whether it's people, places, or things.
No, I'm not talking about nouns. :) I'm talking about life's adventure and all the greatness, beauty, turmoil, and suffering that comes with it.
Mind.
I'll blame this on being a girl. I will always assume the worst, fear failure, and never think I'm good enough. I can put on that masking facade, but to those who are as observant as I am, it's not hard to see that my skin isn't as deep as I pretend.
Heart.
I put far too much weight assuming people always have the best intentions. No one will ever take advantage of me, lie, cheat or steal. I know better, but my heart fights this every moment of every day.
The disaster occurs when I stress too much about things I can't control, or I listen to my heart and follow the wrong people who end up hurting me. How do we decipher what's right and wrong? Should we listen to our hearts when our minds say no? Should we follow our hearts because, frankly, that is the makings for the ultimate love story?
I think the best thing to do is question when your mind and heart don't align. Why is it that these two are polar opposites? It's probably high time to consider getting rid of whatever is tearing you to opposites sides of the spectrum because ultimately, you'll need to - so why not now?
Make a pro/con list, BUT be honest with yourself. I think giving it a good college try without holding anything back is how you'll get to the right answer.
Make the decision that is going to make you happiest long term. Short term gains in life are bullshit. You'll be right back in a black hole of chaos if you choose the short game.
And, after all of this, figure out what gives you peace of mind. For me, it's getting away from life's mess and throwing myself into nature. Hiking, backpacking, trail running, bouldering, camping. Waking up to a calming creek and whistling leaves in a tree is my zen. Being away from materialistic people and things is that peace I don't find even remotely enough. Sure, I put it in my regimen as much as possible, and yeah, I still get more of it than the average bear. But, if I were to find peace more often, I'd need to get out there even more.
What can you do to give yourself a break? What plaguing viruses can you pluck away like a broken feather in a bird and let it float far, far away?
Find all the little things that keep building up and blow them away like white, fluffy dandelion seeds in the wind. Who doesn't love picking them up and trying to annihilate them in one fierce breath. All you haters are lying to yourself. It's fun and you know it :)
Maybe you need to pluck one seed at a time, but over time, you'll find more peace than you realized and feel more weightless, so you'll be able to fly.
Finding that time for peace. It's crucial. A necessity. Don't let minutia get in the way of your happiness. You may not have as much time as you're anticipating.
Looking for strength when feeling anemic. Boldly challenge status quo.
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