Saying goodbye to Peter Pan, Mrs. Doubtfire, the Genie, our friend - Robin Williams

This is something I wrote the day I went to the Doubtfire house in Pacific Heights here in San Francisco. I found it again, and thought the words mean just as much now as back in Aug. '14...

I found myself drawn to say goodbye to a friend that never knew me, but was a significant part of our lives.

It's tragic that someone so full of life, love and laughter felt so empty and overcome by dark demons.

We all find ourselves in darkness blinded by sadness, frustration, guilt and doubt. Yet, it's how we crawl, climb or sprint out of the shadows and into the light that keep us moving forward.

It's a reminder that life is short, family is important, friends are essential.


Don't hold back. Take every opportunity to inspire, challenge, grow, and love. You never know when it may be your last and God calls you home.

What will you leave behind?

Regrets or memories?

Boldly challenging status quo.

30 Regrets Not to Have in My Next 30 Years

I’ve spent precious time with my Papa Wilde, either on road trips or sitting on his back porch reminiscing about the past, talking hopefully about the future, but always with a voice of reason and caution. Now, as a man of leisure, he says, he has a lot of time to reflect and he’s spent some of that time wishing he had made other choices – been a better father, husband, etc. I wish he wouldn’t spend time regretting, but in fact, spend more time cherishing the great memories he did make and all the new ones yet to come.

Since my grandma passed about now almost 14 years ago, (man, that crushes my soul thinking about it), I think he wishes he would have made more of the time he’d had with her. She was, in fact, a beautiful, selfless, loving person who, to this day, is everything I hope to be someday. I don’t think she had a bad bone in her body, and even if someone told me she wasn’t perfect, I wouldn’t believe them ;)

The reason for this blog is because you never know when God will call you home. You shouldn’t exhaust precious moments wishing you had done things differently. To deflect that initially, you have to put the right people and plans first, but be willing to change course for the better if life sends you on a new adventure.

My Papa’s reflections, as sad as it makes me when I think about it, are valuable to me - to remind me not to have those regrets later, to remember to value the right people and things in life.

I’ll be thirty at the end of this year. Holy shit. I can’t believe it. Before I get there, here are 30 regrets I don’t want to have in my next 30 years.

1. Spending too little time with the right people. – Sooner or later, you just want to be around the people who make you smile. So today, spend time with those who help you love yourself more. And remember, the people you take for granted today may be the only ones you need tomorrow. Never be too busy to make time for those who matter most.
2. Not making your loved ones smile more often. – The most beautiful thing is to see a person you love smile, and even more beautiful is knowing that you are the reason behind it.

When life flashes before your eyes, will it be worth watching?

It's been awhile since we last met. I moved to San Francisco, traveled to a few new cities, my little sister got married, and I graduated with my MBA. I've met many new friends and spent precious time with old ones.

My dog, Blaze, and I are still thick as thieves hiking, backpacking, running, and swimming until we have no further energy to give.

OK, OK. Confession. I certainly get to a point of exhaustion sometimes, whereas Blaze is still ready to ascend another mountain or sprint through more trees. Rude, I tell you. No reason to show off like that in front of your owner and embarrass her! At least I have another being willing to keep up with me on a moment’s notice.

Anyway, I sit here on the beach watching the sun go down behind the Golden Gate Bridge with only a few crazy souls in the "cold" San Francisco winter wind. By no means is it Chicago weather, but we Californians are pansies. We can't deal with cold to save our lives.

It's dark and quiet, almost too quiet for this city. The water is calm and smooth; not at all fierce and threatening. I can’t hear any traffic, any voices, or really any noise pollution apart from my soft music and ocean waves.

I have finally jumped on the Spotify bandwagon after years of stubborn, brand-loyal me couldn't walk away from Pandora. This is relevant because my playlist is The Most Beautiful Songs in the World. Add calm waves and a light cool breeze, it's the makings of a reflective, thought-filled evening.

Pause. My fingers are about to fall off from the cold. It's 55°F and I've become a wuss. Too bad I don't have logs to make a beach fire. It's probably for the better as I’d get too comfortable and wake up to cops or bums telling me to get to steppin’.

When life gives you lemons, bite ‘em!

When life gives you lemons, bite ‘em and enjoy the sour taste as it drains down your throat. Next time, you’ll be better equipped to deal with it, even though it’ll still be hardcore painful.

Sometimes, the toughest situations that make you grind your teeth and make you want to cry in frustration are typically the ones that shape who you become in life. If you easily stride through life without obstacles, then you aren’t putting yourself out there and you aren’t really living. I’ve found myself in countless situations where there was a solid fork in the road...AND for some reason, I always choose the Amazon jungle. Luckily, I know how to use a machete to get through the toughest of terrain.

Finding Inspiration Again

It’s been awhile and don’t get me wrong - I’ve been inspired, but wow! The year has just blown by. I’ve been through my first year as an MBA student, been at Yelp through the wild ride it’s been, and even spent a month in Europe!

I was on such a high when I came back from Europe. The culture, the history, people, food - the list goes on. I was so inspired by what I saw and learned; I just couldn’t hide it upon return. But then, disaster struck and I dove way down. I was incredibly sad to not be in Europe any more, surrounded by about 50 people from across the world who also decided to take the MBA class like me.

There was no drama. At all! Weird? I thought so too, but we all clicked like we’d known each other for ages. You could morph into any group for meals, trips during the week, or long excursions on the weekends. I couldn’t have planned a more successful trip!

What am I missing here that makes me long for that again, or long for school to start up again? It’s people I’m surrounded with that inspire me, challenge me, and genuinely enjoy similar things as me (well mostly outdoor, crazy things!). Most of my close friends have munchkins, significant others, or partake in activities that are true to my character. Totally not judging and so love everyone of them, but I feel like I’m missing something.

50 Lists to Write to Lift Your Spirits OR to Simply Just Think About

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I love lists. I'd forget my head half the time if it wasn't attached!  If I don't write things down, I forget (thanks Dad). And then I feel extremely empowered when I finish a task and blissfully scratch it off my list. Then there are times when I write as a form of thinking, brainstorming, processing, reflecting. Sometimes getting everything out on paper puts me at ease when my mind is racing.

So when you have those times, or if you just feel like reflecting, come back to this list. You never know how your answers will change over time, and which ones don't. Have fun!

List as many as you can:

1. People who have influenced or inspired you
2. Things you are grateful for
3. Places you have been
4. Places you want to go
5. Books you’ve read

Don't Just Settle with a Job

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The other day I went over to a house, which I consider a home, in Curtis with people I feel are my family. The Wetzels were the first couple I met in Curtis while I was flying back and forth from Dallas when my boss and I were trying to do business from afar. Instead of staying at the local hotel, George insisted I stay with the Wetzels to feel more welcomed and a part of the community while I was visiting. Maybe he had some sort of intuition knowing I’d end up moving to this tiny American rural and dying town.

The Wetzels knew George when they went to the agriculture high school together back in the early 1950s, which is now a University of Nebraska branch campus. The Wetzels’ kind hearts reeled George in and gave him a place to share and relax without worrying about being politically correct. They have been a godsend as they’ve continued that with me. I always know I’ll get a warm welcome and hugs all around when I visit. The Wetzels are truly the most genuine, kind, and loving people I’ve met here, and honestly don’t know if my sanity level would be the same without them.

Craving Mental Stimulation

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Pandora current song: Only Hope, Switchfoot

The last few weeks have made me realize why I NEED to go back to school. Since graduation, I haven’t had to use my noggin as much as I used to. I’ve been working in areas I am good at and have excelled greatly. Yet, my recent projects haven’t been easy. I’ve created and implemented political events, helped sign multimillion dollar leases, morphed an old building into a residence hall, built a positive cash-flow company and managed from the ground up, developed a position for myself within the university and furthermore designed a new position to expand student involvement on campus.

How are You Dealing with Change?

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Pandora current song: Praying for Daylight, The Fray

How are you dealing with change?

On Wednesday, Sept 22 I took the NCTA student senate leadership to a conference in Lincoln, NE. Why, you ask? Well, even if you don’t care, let me tell you.

Back at WSU, I was a part of the Services and Activities (S and A) Fees committee where we allocated over $7M to organizations on campus to broaden their reach or event success for an overall better student experience. The money came from fees charged within the student’s tuition. When I came to NCTA, there was no help from the college for organizations and no way for new ones to start.

I was appointed at the Student Union manager with over $60K in funds available to it for student activities, maintenance, and salaries. I decided this would be a great opportunity to utilize the funds to bring fun entertainment as well as allocate funds back to the students. Why not?

I took everything I knew and created the same kind of committee on this campus with three staff members and seven student members. The committee has to be heavily student weighed because the students need to decide what they feel is important for the entire student body. Old farts like us as staff don’t necessarily “know” what they want.

Anyway, all student organizations who wanted money had to send student representatives to present what and why they wanted the funds. Student senate requested funds to attend a leadership conference for their leadership. So long story short, that’s why we ended up in Lincoln.

The keynote speaker was Gary Bradt, who is an endorsed business speaker who has spent 20 years consulting the nation’s senior business leaders, advising them on how to thrive in the constant change that takes place in today’s business world.

Read on because I promise you’ll be inspired.

What really matters in life

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I was asked to write what I would want to tell young ones I loved, if I only had two minutes to live. Since I love you all, I'll share it with you...

What really matters in life is that you take chances. Don't ever settle. Ever. You have so much to offer in this world even if you don't believe it. Find others who don't believe in themselves and make them believe that they matter. Be selfless. The more you look out for others the better you'll feel about yourself. Be humble. It's the hardest thing to do, but do it. Be the first to say you're sorry, even if it's not your fault. Make sure you spend time with family. You may not think it matters to them that you are present for a football game or choir concert, but when you aren't around any more they will appreciate the time you took to be with them. Leave a legacy that inspires others.

If you had minutes left in your life, what would you say? 

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What was I thinking?

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Pandora current song: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

In my summer blogs, I mentioned I was pursuing a job as a recruiter for Washington State University. I was trying to find something I could hold on to. Something solid. My life is ever consumed with uncertainty. I’ve been blessed with a life full experiences I’ve either forced on myself or have been lucky to be a part of. Yet, there’s still something missing. The satisfaction of accomplishing something, whether for a greater good or for those that need a push to start their own adventure, doesn’t ever seem to ever be completely fulfilled. Is it because I’m alone and don’t have someone to share it with? Maybe. Is it the fact that I am unsure of my future? Absolutely. Or what about the instability of the present? Sure. How about all of the above, plus trying to put a smile on my face so I can create and explore new opportunities for my students so they can get the most out of their college year? Shall I keep going?

What's next in my life?

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Pandora current song: Imma Be, by Black Eyed Peas

What do I want to do with the rest of my life? The fear of the unknown has haunted me since I switch out of veterinary medicine junior year of college. At least with that, hard work and extensive years in school would have assured me of a job in a solid field. With this crummy economy, a communications/advertising degree is worthless. Most companies in the mysterious, artistic world of communications are not hiring. Many classmates are stuck working in temporary jobs and/or living at home to await their future fates. Thankfully, I have a solid job in the crazy world of real-estate management and collegiate student involvement. Unfortunately for me, the location will never satisfy me for so many reasons. The people I converse with are kind and genuine, but I truly miss the city life with endless activities, outings with friends my age, and exciting outdoor excursions. Living in the city is never boring and even in a city where people live in close quarters, there are always places to go to find your peace of mind.

To be good or to be bad - that is the ethical question

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Pandora current song: I Go Back, by Kenny Chesney

Ethics play a big role in every decision people make on a daily basis. They are principles and morals that govern the appropriate conduct of an individual or group. Throughout my life, I’ve been a prime target for others to harass me based on my leadership techniques. Honestly, I should be used to it, but I am also one who HATES it when others are frustrated with me. I do everything in my power to make everyone else happy before I ever care to worry about myself. Sure I get run over in the process, which is probably why I’m an easy target with my submissive personality waving the white flag.

I know a lot of you who know me are thinking, “no way is she submissive. She sticks to her opinions and no one can come close to blasting those walls down.” I never said I wasn’t stubborn. However, I also have learned to pick my battles and only stick up for issues that mean something to me or for the greater good of a community or even more, the world.

Like I said before, I always loved my sorority, but it didn’t always love me back. The ethical climate would have received low marks during certain “reins” throughout my time on campus. People in power abused it by making decisions they shouldn’t have, but also belittled those they didn’t particularly like. Sounds petty, but true. However, we see it in everyday life. Those with power or titles use it to their advantage and screw the “peons” in the process, while they gain more and more.

One semester in my sorority, I was taken aside almost every week to be down graded and nit picked for every weakness or fault. It was humiliating and frustrating. Want to know why? Well let me tell you...