Pandora current song: How to Save a Life, by The Fray
Rumors are a dirty game. Rumors can lie, cheat and steal someone’s life and those who start them, lose out too. Sometimes they’re based on stereotype and then stories just seem to flourish. Even stereotypes are a bad way to think you “know” someone. Granted we all use them on a daily basis, otherwise it would take too long to understand every miniscule piece of information that’s passed through our eyes to our brains. But rumors have an even worse connotation.
I’m sure rumors have been started about you, so how’d you feel? Like scum on the bottom of a sink drain, right? So why do people find joy in passing rumors. Sometimes it’s due to jealous feelings regarding something they don’t have or something they wish they didn’t. Sometimes it’s due to overcompensating a true story. However it starts, it’s gossip that’s usually a mixture of truth and untruth. Most people don’t take the time to figure out what’s true or not and just believe it all as fact.
A lot of my students thought they left gossip and rumors in the dust back in high school. Good luck EVER trying to hide from it. People feed off gossip and “juicy” news. The only way to tackle it is by not starting it yourself or killing it the instant it hits your ears. People think it’ll infiltrate the world before it dies, but it’s not impossible to stop. Prove people wrong. Stick up for what you believe in. Be honest. Honesty among all will stop any rumor, but getting people to be honest isn’t easy, I know.
Last week I had a student come into my office about a rumor in the res hall that he was “changing and for the worse.” I had two other students in my office earlier talking about this same kid and I told them I didn’t want to be a part of it. If they had issues, they needed to go to the source. How will someone know something is wrong unless others address it personally?
If you talk with someone, don’t talk in generalities. Being honest with someone is the only way. Maybe they will leave frustrated with your comments and later consider them and think, “Wow they were right.” Or maybe you leave appreciating the fact that they came to you caring about your well being. Or maybe you leave knowing they aren’t your true friends and they have it way wrong. But if someone takes the time to talk to you, you better at least have one ear open. There’s probably a reason for it. Sometimes its not easy to hear, but grow from it.
College is about finding yourself. You may start as one person and leave as someone else. That’s completely OK. Through that time you learn how to deal with challenges and successes, being around a completely different group of people or different individuals, and hopefully learning to mature. Finding new friends and experiencing new things will shape you into the person you leave as from college.
People change. It’s a part of life. Those that don’t like it are obviously not worth your time. It shouldn't matter if someone changes, but those nasty rumors I was talking about before start happening when friends change to walk a different path. Maybe you change drastically and that friendship ceases to exist, but sometimes that’s a good thing. If you used to party and now walk a more professional life, those stuck in the party scene will obviously gossip and talk trash.
Rumors never go away. Ever. Figuring out how to battle, strike and destroy them or even just ignore them is a part of maturing.
Boldly challenging status quo!
Pandora current song: Shine, by Collective Soul
In one of your articles you describe yourself as a flirt. Did you ever think about how that comes across when your doing it with people you work with even when they are married? Rumors aren't always made up, they can also get started when you behave a certain way and others observe these actions, and judge you for them. Part of being this incredibly "mature and smart" woman that you so adamantly describe yourself, over and over as being, is actually behaving that way. Flirting with people you work with or for is not smart or mature.
ReplyDeleteNow this is kind of disterbing, I know this young gal and she is a very bright young lady that would never harm a fly!!! I jsut dont know that I can beleave wat you are saying here!!! But all must say there piece!!! Sometime things are done without know wats going on!!! But with helpful critizum we can all be come better ppl I think she greatly appericates ur help!!!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteSure perception is the root of assumption, but it doesn't necessarily make it true. Yes, I have an energetic, social personality and I will not morph to a robot to please those with criticizing eyes. I know when it's time to be professional, especially in the workplace, and when it's OK to goof around. I am human and make mistakes just like you do, but when it comes to relationships, I take them very seriously. I may be better friends with some co-workers than others, but friendship is always where it ends.
Next time when it comes to hearsay, stop the rumor mill and ask the person upfront. Don't just continue to judge the person unless you know the facts.
Not everyone is going to love me. Not everyone will appreciate my blogs, and that's OK. I appreciate your honesty and opinion.