Pandora current song: Butterflies and Hurricanes, by Muse
This is a long one, but it’s my favorite so far. When you get time, read on!
I love movies. I love them so much that I have 3 DVD binders full of them and counting. Ever since I moved into my own apartment after sorority life, I haven't had cable TV. I was never home during school and that's still the case for work. Online TV has been a savior for sure. I do miss news in the morning and night, but that's what Twitter and homepage widgets are for.
What can you learn from a movie?
I actually did a study in college about movies and leadership, but I didn't continue as much as I should have. (Sorry Connan!) But I did do a few speeches to student leadership groups about Remember the Titans. Remember the Titans (RTT) is by far my favorite movie out there. It’s a great model of leadership, teamwork and victory, and I’ve seen it more times than any other movie combined.
For a little refresher course, RTT is based on a true story about the coming of society and the integration of two high schools – one black, one white. Tensions arise when players of the different racial high schools are forced to play together. Many of the frustrations are put at ease during training camp, but when they return home, turmoil boils up again.
So let me share with you a few things I spoke about...
ATTITUDE REFLECT LEADERSHIP, CAPTAIN!
During training camp, two players duke it out about their ‘playing’ techniques. One importance of this is communication, but the other is listening. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it's important for people to hear so they can grow and learn. Yeah it's awkward and can be scary, but it's better than bottling frustrations inside until you blow up later on an unsuspecting chap. Character growth can go both ways though. For someone to be able to tactfully communicate is a fierce capability.
I hate confrontation just as much as I hate buying pants. They're never long enough. I hate when people are disappointed in me. I go completely out of my way to make sure people are happy before I ever try to make myself happy. It's my way of trying to save face to keep the waters of life still, but it's how I lead. I lead by doing. If I don't want other people to do it, I won't do it either. Who would look up to you if you're continually acting as a hypocrite? No one would respect you and that's for darn sure.
Leaders, employers, upperclassmen, CEOs, managers, etc are all under the same rules and guidelines as everyone else. Titles don't entitle you to more. To gain respect, you must be a role model in whatever you do. Act like no one is watching you. That's the true measure of a person. Most likely someone is always watching your actions in one way or another, but someone's true character shines when they think no one is watching. This could be when they're with a group of strangers, alone in a park, in a corporate meeting, walking around campus, or driving in your car. Your attitude reflects the way people perceive you.
In any team setting, whether in sports, an office, in class or in an organization, you can't leave people behind. Teamwork is key. If leadership doesn’t set high standards from the get go, than a lack of organization will occur full potential won't be reached. If everyone in the group has passion for the outcome and willing to work together to reach the goal, than no one can stop you. Be upfront. Watch each other’s back. Work together to achieve perfection.
RESPECT
As stated in the movie, hatred will destroy people and ultimately the team. You may not like everyone you work with, but to progress, you must respect each and every team member or there will be animosity. You must sort things out even if on a personal level to keep moving forward. You might have to work from the bottom up, but if you don’t work as a team to achieve your goals, you won’t achieve anything but frustration and turmoil.
Take a lesson from past experiences and observations. A great tool is observation. Before you act or react to something, observe your surroundings. Watch how people interact. Take note of how people interact with others. Steer clear of people you know you'll butt heads with. Help those who need it. Actually care about the people around you. If you prove that, you'll gain respect from them. The more respect you have, the more of a force you have behind you and the more people who will do anything for you.
Don’t choose to do something just because your friends do it. I seemed to gain more respect at school because I stuck to my standards and morals, and didn't conform with the masses. Yeah it was tough being so different from everyone else, but I didn't care. I am Britni and if they didn't like that, good riddance.
The other part of the coin is to not judge people who don't do the same thing you do. It's their life. Let them live it. This could be decisions others make to where they live to who they know. You can never walk in someone's shoes so don't judge or stereotype them. Get to know them. They may just surprise you.
SACRIFICE
When you are a part of a team or relationship, you'll have to make sacrifices but it should be an equal deal. In leadership, you may not always get your way because the team should pick the right way. I seem to be blind to this sometimes. I think my way is the right way, and others are totally off. I've learned over the years to look at all ways first, then decide as a team. Sometimes it's a hit to your pride, but I promise...life will go on.
If you make a decision, accept all consequences. If something goes wrong, don't point the finger somewhere else. There are far too many cowards on this planet. Don't be one. Support your decision with confidence and knowledge behind the decision. Don’t back down when others try to pull you down. Believe in yourself and the reasons behind your decision. For me, a huge decision I stuck by to was not drinking. Another was deciding to betray my sorority sisters and call our national officers after my sorority made some pretty stupid mistakes. I ended up being pretty much black marked, but I knew I did it for the right reasons.
Don’t be afraid to cut a team member out if s/he isn’t helping your cause and purpose. In too many instances, we try to be the nice ones and let people ride coattails or suck our lives dry just to make sure they don't get hurt. Sometimes it's time to cut the string and let them go. In my sorority, our leadership wouldn't let go of a member to keep everyone happy, keep numbers up, or just didn't want to take the blame. Those few members seemed to always ruin it for the whole or would drain our energy. It's not worth it.
Another instance is at work. We won't let someone go because they have a family to feed, s/he could be our friend, or again we don't want to hurt someone. It destroys the team, but we can't man up and do it. If people are just worthless, get rid of them. At the moment, there are a lot of qualified people unemployed. Find them.
LEWIS LASTIK
Remember him in the movie? The big, white guy who we all thought was oblivious to the world. He was one of the more inspiring characters though. He didn’t care how much his team tortured him for his actions when sitting at the black table, but he stuck with what he really believed was right and didn’t falter at peer pressure. Julius & Gary subliminally took his example at the end of training camp and ran with it.
Maybe it'll take the leaders for the team to accept differences, but you don't have to have a title to be a leader. New ideas can be a terrifying step when they are first drawn up. To get your team to work together without causing too much disruption and chaos, take small steps to ease your team into new ideas. Be like Lewy Lastik and take the initiative to make change happen. The sorority decision I spoke about earlier was a great example of this kind of action. Ready for some juicy story? Well, here it goes...
In our sorority, we had a group of leaders above my pledge class who really didn't care about the true meaning of sorority life. If you really got down to it, fraternities and sororities are some of the greatest organizations ever created based on moral character, scholastic progress, charitable interactions, networking with other high caliber individuals, and a family of people who all band together. However, many people have lost touch with the original idea of their organizations.
It all started with our leadership purchasing T-shirts for a date dash (a function only upperclassmen know about until the day of so people have to "dash" to find a date) with "Got you good little *uckers!" Yeah, it literally said that! You may not know, but shirts are supposed to be approved and on our campus, could not have anything vulgar or pertaining to alcohol or the chapter would be on probation. Our alumni found out about the shirts and confiscated them. Of course, then our nationals found out so we were on national probation. Trust me. That's never fun.
After that leadership group left, our next group wasn't much better. I was the vice president of administration, but I wasn't on the committee to enforce rules. That next semester, we didn't have a lot of freedoms since we were in trouble. We could have two events approved by our nationals. Of course my brilliant chapter chose philanthropy (to look like we're being good) and a cruise (to go all out on the fun).
Philanthropies are a three day event where fraternities and sororities pay to compete in skits, events, sports and fun. Our philanthropy was "Boys at Bat." The first night consisted of fraternities coming to sing to us at our sorority their own rendition of Take me out to the ball game. These were usually pretty hilarious, thoughtful, and full of talent. Others were just terrible, but either way, we had fun. The next night was skit night. Fraternities put on a skit about whatever they wanted to entertain us. The third day was a softball tournament. Each of these nights were judged and points were given to the top group. At the end of the week, the top fraternity would be published in the newspaper and treated with dinner or something else fun. Competition was always fierce. These events were completely alcohol free and our campus took that very seriously.
Cruises were the exact opposite. Most drank alcohol in the buses during the two-hour trip up to the cruise, during the cruise, and on the way back. Their manners were less than civilized usually, but those of us who didn't want to destroy our livers, had a good time on the water or dance floor.
Well, again, brilliance struck. Let's have our philanthropy weekend on the same weekend of our cruise. How stupid could we get. I was quickly becoming a less liked member since I never broke the rules and held everyone to that same standard. I spoke up about the situation, but it was quickly thrown out.
The weekend came and the philanthropy went off without a hitch. We all had a great, clean, fun time. We booked the cruise early to keep members from drinking earlier in the day. We had school buses to take members up, so alcohol on the buses was prohibited. So, to our alumni, we looked like little angels. However, our president told the members she'd OK a two hour window for people to drink before they loaded the buses. What do people do when you give them a time limit, especially with alcohol? They drink themselves beyond silly. I decided to sit out on that event. No way in hell was I going on that trip. I knew better.
That day I volunteered at Spring Fest, a daylong festival of events at WSU, where bands, entertainment, booths, etc were hired to entertain the students. There was food, fun, and excitement. Thousands of students and families show up to this growing event every year. I woke up at 6AM to leave by 8AM and my wonderful sisters were already getting themselves ready to go out and prefunk before their trip. I should have known then, but I would have never expected what happened.
I got back around 10PM that night and my sisters were still drunk from the morning. Others had passed out or went out to continue their party. I sat downstairs with them and heard all about their day. I couldn't believe my ears...
The sorority sisters who were checking people for alcohol as they got on the bus, our president and social chair, were completely wasted themselves. Our vice president of chapter development (who also presided the committee to enforce rules) passed out in our laundry room and didn't even make it to the bus. Apparently, they had to kick people off the bus after a block of movement. They got sick already.
The buses got all the way to Moscow, ID, which is about 10 miles away from campus and had to stop again. Members had to call to get someone to pick up a few more members who had been too drunk to keep going. While the buses waited, my sisters and their dates walked into the mall drunk with their cruise shirts on (of course labeling them as Tri Deltas since it said "DDD Cruise 2007."
They finally were able to keep going where members and their dates threw up, peed themselves, and I'm sure continued drinking. What a mess. When they got to the cruise ship, three dates jumped off the cruise boat in the middle of the water. The cruise boat wasn't equipped to get people out of the water, so they had to call the coast guard. We were the first group at WSU to not get our deposit back. Anyway, they returned home. Alive. Thankfully.
Monday came around which was chapter meeting night. I didn't go on cruise so I wasn't really sure who did what, but people had spent all weekend reminiscing. Our president explained that there was an accident with upperclassmen who had already been reprimanded. I didn't really believe it, but whatever. She then told us to go upstairs to our living room after our alumni left. She and the rest of our rule enforcing committee sat in front of us to tell us the alarming news. Apparently when the bus stopped at the mall, a group of people went into Macys swearing, acting rudely, and another pair went into the stockroom and were "engaged in sexual interactions." The manager had been so pissed that he of course kicked them out, but followed up by calling the WSU President's office, Alumni Office, and Student Services office.
Our president told us that was pretty bad news, but that we needed to know only upperclassmen were the cause, so they'd willingly take the hit. She also said we needed to stop talking about the event, so it would be old news by Wednesday. They continued pushing the fact that upperclassmen were the only ones drunk.
Unbeknownst to them and unintentionally, I followed a few youngsters from our secret meeting room to the living room and heard their stories. It was all a sham. A lie. A fake out. I couldn't take it any longer. I sat through the meeting shaking in the back corner. I was livid. I could not believe how stupid they were.
The news had already hit the streets. Members' dates were gloating about how crazy the Tri Deltas were. Members were happily telling their stories to everyone they knew. There was no way to keep it quiet. Plus, the Macys manager incident. The school system and coast guard also called WSU about their run ins with Tri Delta. Good try, but no freakin way would this die overnight.
After about an hour, they asked/told people to keep everything confidential and made sure everyone knew the "story" we should all stick to. Can we all do this? I was so hot sitting in my chair that I can't believe that it didn't catch on fire. I finally spoke up. I could not believe how poorly the chapter was acting. I confronted the lie and put it all out on the table. No way was I going to stick up for them. The moment they decided to be stupid was the moment I could not claim them as sisters any more.
I walked out of the meeting and instantly became a target to them. My "chill out" area was a park a few miles down with swings. Swinging with Desilee was our way of calming down and getting away from the madness. It hadn't been our first swing session. After the meeting, Desilee joined me. Apparently she stuck up for me, which made her a target too.
That next week, we had to endure the worst treatment while trying to study for finals. We locked ourselves in our room. We didn't eat with the rest of the group. We didn't walk through the sorority, but walked around to the back to come and go. We had pictures and signs on our door that I later found torn up. It sucked.
I called our alumni adviser and told her what actually went down. I wasn't going to let them get away with their actions. I'd take on their attitudes any day if they got what they deserved. Once our alumni found out, she obviously told our national office. Within 48 hours, officers flew in from Dallas to speak to the sorority and make all the members go through a review process. Membership review entails members going through an interview process to see if they are fit to stay. I was the only one not interviewed, but I think Desilee may not have been either.
Our officers were disgusted with the actions of our sorority. Throughout dead week (the week of intense studying before finals), was the week after the incident. Since the national officers had visited, it became their intention to close the whole place down. They had parties until all hours of the night, stored cases of beer on our sun porch, allowed guys to walk through the house at all hours, gave the door code to anyone who walked by. I had to call the cops on my own sorority multiple times to break up parties. It was a mess.
To wrap it up, after intense loyalty from a few of us and many hours of work, we kept our sorority open. Only 11 members showed up the next year for recruitment. Over 90 members didn't. Thankfully, it was a small year for recruitment but there were still over 500. We thankfully had help from the University of Idaho and University of Washington chapters to help us interview all of the women throughout the week. During that summer, I was appointed to an executive council for Greek life, so I couldn't be affiliated with my chapter. It was so hard to watch them from afar, but they did it. We had the biggest membership acceptance of the week. After a mass amount of informal recruiting, we were back up to total (92) by the end of the year. The women we kicked out harassed our new members throughout the year, but as a team, we succeeded.
I never regretted my decision to stand up against my own sorority sisters. I made a decision to stand up for what was right and not side with the masses just because that's what they wanted me to do. I still would have done it without Desilee, but I would have had a tough time trying to deal with it if she hadn't been there. I felt bad she had to endure the same pain I did, but I am so thankful for my faithful friend. She was a warrior who fought alongside me and the 9 other wonderful women who brought Tri Delta at WSU back to life. She is obviously the staple of what a true friend should be.
We make decisions every day. Those decisions could be for the good of one, or for the good of more. They could be to follow, or they could be to lead. They could be positive or negative. You may not have to go against your "family" like I did, but there will be a day where you'll have to stick up for what you believe in. What will it be?
Live boldly challenging status quo!
Pandora current song: Heartless, by Kanye West
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